Unemployed, broke, near future uncertain, wandering, home.
I’m here again.
I will enter 2016 without a permanent job, much like I entered 2015. I’ve had endless conversations, written several thousand words and spent more hours than I’d like to admit on the subject, all while thinking to myself, what am I going to do?
The beauty of living at the border of the unknown is being able to do exactly what I need and want to. I have outlined strict goals for myself, and the fact that those goals have manifested clearly means part of the battle has already been won. I haven’t stopped working. I haven’t stopped dreaming. I haven’t stopped making it work. Those things won’t change. At this point, it’s engrained. It’s natural. Giving up is not an option. If I think I’ve worked hard at this point, I haven’t seen anything yet. This, I acknowledge. I have made sacrifices and am willing to make even more. Every next level of life will demand a different you. This year specifically, I have learned this to be true.
In 2015 alone, I lived in Denver, Los Angeles and Brooklyn, all while working with the least amount of money I’ve ever had access to, leaning on friends and family for supportive reinforcement. I have never had a more free-spirited or challenging year. The gratitude I have fills me completely. I have at least 100 thank you cards to write. More plausibly, I spend a lot of time daydreaming about treating my friends to a round of drinks, or a meal where I take care of the bill. It’s coming. 2016 will be the year I give it back. As soon as I can, I will.
I had a recruiter email me the other day, asking to meet me in person in Midtown next week after the holiday to discuss my potential and my portfolio. I’ve had at least 10 creative meetings with the same intention, with very little return or follow-up. It’s not necessarily a waste of time to meet with someone interested in getting to know your work in hopes of placing you with work, but I had to ask - How will our meeting be different? What can you do for me that the other agencies have not done for me? — i.e. if you think you can get me a job, now’s the time to prove it.
I think I’m asking the universe the same question.
I proved a lot to myself, but I’m ready for the universe to prove it too. It’s a big intention to have set but I’m simply ready and open for whatever else shows up next. This year laid a foundation, one with conviction, for what I’ve been working towards. I’m trusting 2016 to yield new results. If I have to wait tables again, I’ll wait tables again. Whatever it takes. I'm writing for a dream-come-true publication, and that makes whatever I have to do, worth it. Everything you have been working towards has prepared you for whatever’s next. You have to grow through what you go through. And everything will be alright. Filed under things Margaret has taught me and mantras I will never forget.
Cheers to the energy of this new year, I am so excited for what's to come.