last summer was my first time shooting the type of gun that can kill a person, a weapon i am terribly afraid of. i remember standing in between an army dude casually firing off the biggest guns i've ever seen in person and a transgendered woman shooting a pistol while wearing heels higher than i could dream of ever walking in. as i stood between these two badasses, all i could think about was how much like life itself, the mere act of shooting a gun is so complex and simple at the same millisecond.

i also couldn't help but have a racing mind thinking that even though i was in a controlled environment, one of these strangers feet away from me could have a mental break and it could turn into the wild west. i was in colorado. the staff barely glanced at our IDs before handing over the ammo. it was silly to feel so freaked out given that we were at a place where people specifically go to shoot guns but we were shaky and nonetheless tripped out.

i remember leaving the shooting range thinking i had to have been there for an hour but in reality, we were there for barely 10 minutes. i can't even fathom how slow and how fast time must feel during these tragic public shootings.

it's even more absurd to have to think about how lucky i am that i am a human being who paid via groupon for my recent gun experience, and not someone who didn't have a choice in being a victim to a public mass shooting. the mere thought gives me insane chills. my heart hurts for this country, and my head hurts at how complicated all of this is.

regardless of how everyone feels about guns in general, gun regulations, gun media coverage, gun reform, etc. i hope we all can agree this HAS TO STOP. heart emoticon